Matters to Observe in Marriage
The source text under review centers the concept of “moderation” (*iʿtidāl*) in sustaining the institution of marriage.
The source text under review centers the concept of “moderation” (iʿtidāl) in sustaining the institution of marriage. It stresses that happiness and spiritual growth in marriage become possible through spouses’ respect for each other’s private spheres, a jealousy that avoids excess, and generosity within the family. The text also details the special importance given to raising daughters, religious responsibilities toward children, and the moral attitude that must be adopted when relationships come to an end.
A. Moderation in Jealousy and Protecting Private Space
Jealousy in marriage is neither an absolute prohibition nor an absolute field of freedom; it is a matter of need and balance.
- Risks of Excessive Jealousy: Constantly following one’s spouse without a reasonable cause, prying into hidden states (tajassus), and casting suspicion are defined as conduct “hated by God.” This situation carries the risk of driving the spouse precisely toward the evil act suspected (ʿAlī’s warning).
- The Need for Personal Space: Completely erasing each other’s personal space cools the relationship. People sometimes need to be alone and to miss one another. According to the text, “separation increases longing and delight.”
- Needless Exhibitionism and “Dayyūth-ness”: Exhibiting family privacy on social media today under the name of modernization (bedroom videos, hugging challenges, and the like) is criticized in sharp language; the complete disappearance of the sense of jealousy is characterized as “becoming pig-like” or “dayyūth-ness.”
B. Measure in Maintenance (nafaqa) and Economic Attitude
Providing for the family (nafaqa) is accepted not merely as an obligation, but as one of the most meritorious kinds of spending (infāq / charity).
- Spending Proportionate to Earnings: A man’s spending on his household should be proportionate to his earnings. Just as it is wrong for a wealthy man to stint so much that he leaves his home in need, falling into waste is also not approved.
- Areas of Generosity: The earlier generations are said to have been generous in food and drink, and more thrifty in clothing and household goods. In particular, a father’s feeding his family food of the same quality he eats himself, and not depriving his children by withholding from himself, is a moral necessity.
Study questions
What is ʿAlī’s warning concerning excessive jealousy?
That a person will be tried by the very thing he is jealous of, and that this conduct will push the other party toward that error.
Why is spending on maintenance (*nafaqa*) accepted as the most meritorious charity?
Because a person’s spending on his family earns more reward than spending given outside.
What should be observed when naming a newborn child?
Care should be taken that the name’s meaning is beautiful and that it does not express associating partners with God (shirk).
What did ʿUmar expect of the arbiter he sent to couples in difficulty?
That the arbiter mediate and reconcile the couple.
According to the text, what is “*taḥnīk*”?
It is rubbing chewed dates on the palate of a newborn child.
What is the basic reason spouses should not speak about each other after divorce?
The necessity that a moral person protect the secrets of someone who is no longer in his marriage.